Monday, June 27, 2011

Some People are Jackholes

First things first—nothing new to report here. Still pregnant. Did a little too much today and ended up a little crampy, but otherwise, just plugging along. Ever since I blogged about Amelia’s crazy tantrum monster behavior, she’s been an angel. ha. I shouldn’t even say that! But really, I’ve been paying attention to how helpful and loving she is. She doesn’t want to be a monster, I’ve decided. She is just mandated by her three-ness and by the incessant need to gogogogo all day and wind up an exhausted mess that leads her to to push and push.


Anyway, did you know that some people are just total jackholes? Well they are. And when you get into any discussion of the boy versus girl nature, holy hell does the Jackholedness of others come roaring out. I don’t even mean a political discussion about such controversial or heady topics as say, equality or anything. I mean simply telling people that you are expecting your second daughter. . . or hanging out in the sandbox with other moms. Take each of the following scenarios—all of which have occurred in the last couple months.


1. Anonymous ‘friend’ asks me, “Did you find out what you’re having yet?” (Yes, I resisted the urge to respond with a baby, dummy) Me: We’re having another girl! (insert ridiculous beaming and gloating here).  “Well don’t worry. You can borrow (insert ‘friend’s’ son’s name here) anytime you want.” 

So let’s recap. I say we’re having a girl and the response is one of rescue?  As in, ‘don’t worry. As your friend, I will help you through this by offering a boy to you to fit your needs. Or wants? Not quite clear on which this person was getting at. However, what I do know was that the assumption was that I’d obviously be missing something in my life and would therefore would need to fill this need by asking others for help. And by help, I mean their sons. Rewind three years and this is the same person who, when told that we were waiting until birth to find out the sex of our first born, said, “Oh and Justin’s going to be there just WAITING to see a penis, huh?!”  I still don’t know exactly what that meant except that a girl would be a disappointment because every man must just long for a son? I dunno on that one, but here is a simple case of two total jackhole statements by the same perpetrator.


2. At Justin’s work (which is a very masculine-dominated environment), a (male) coworker strikes up some small talk about kids and whatnot. Justin tells Dude that he’s got another daughter on the way.  Response? “Oh Man, you have to try for a third. You gotta get that boy!” Justin: No way Dude. We’re done with two! Trying not to get annoyed and just keeping it light. Dude says, “You’re missing out Bro! My son is the coolest thing that ever happened to me. We have so much fun together. You definitely need to go for a boy, Man.”

Now this is a rather obvious jackhole encounter that doesn’t need a lot of analysis. It’s of the same cloth as the first. You must be sooo disappointed to have another girl. You need a boy to do cool things with your kid. The best (BESTBESTBEST) part about this story was Justin’s response. The conversation continued as follows; Well what do you mean about all the things you do with your son? What kinds of things??  Now this question made Dude very excited, “Oh Man. We play football, work in the yard, I take him to Home Depot and teach him how to use tools. You NAME it, Man and I’ve got my BOY with me.” Justin: Dude. I do all of those things with my daughter NOW. Dude says “Oh. Really? Well. It can’t be the same.”  Conversation over.  (Don’t tell him or anything, but Justin is very well on his way to receiving his Feminist Membership Card.)


3. And my personal favorite. . . Sitting in the sandbox at the local park. A little boy asks Amelia if she could share her sand toys with her. She of course says yes. He’s about the same age, maybe a little older than her, promptly sits down and take a shovel of sand and throws it, sand flying all over the place. His mama comes over and tells him that “this if your ONE warning. No more throwing sand.”  To speed along a lengthy story, little dude continues throwing sand and getting ‘final’ warnings. It becomes apparent fairly quickly that this kid is kind of just a punk—and given all the warnings he was given, I could tell you why too. But that’s neither her nor there. The thrown sand gets pretty close to Amelia but not enough for me to get involved. Anyone with kids knows that the park/playground politik is a little dicey in the way of dealing with punk kids. Amelia, for her part, is glancing over at this kid but mostly just doing her own thing. The picture of the two of them together, along with the mom yelling the same directions over and over is a bit humorous to me and I start to chuckle at the absurdity of it. Mind you, just a little chuckle, nothing dramatic or insulting. It was just a funny picture.  And THEN, the mom, who obviously felt insecure about the situation (as we all do when our kids are being punks and our parenting is on full display), looks at Amelia quietly building a sand castle and sighs. “Boys and girls just play so differently.” And she promptly got up, took her kid’s hand and explained to him that they were going to the other (adjacent) park as a ‘discipline’ I guess.

And it’s a good thing that she left too because her comment enraged me. As much as I found her kid’s behavior amusing, her excuse for it was downright insulting. Soooo ummmm, your child’s penis leads him to throw sand and ignore you? Not the lack of follow-through and discipline? Really? His penis? And how often do you use that as an excuse for his poor behavior? Because that would explain .  .  . A. LOT.  And what are the chances of said child NOT turning into a complete and total asshat as long as everything he does is excused by his CROTCH?! And of course, that’s not even the worst of it. The most insulting part? That she also dismissed Amelia’s sweet demeanor by HER crotch. WTF?! So let me get this straight. Your kid’s balls make him an A-hole and my kid’s uterus just prevents her from misbehaving?! Wow, wouldn’t that make parenting just basically pointless?  And oh-so-easy for parents of daughters, sheesh. And guess what? My babychild is NOT above throwing sand in the freaking sandbox, I can tell you THAT! She actually prefers bark so that the slivers fly all over the place, to be honest. But she also knows that if she gets told not to throw the bark and continues throwing of the slivery mess, she’d find her hiney back in the car and headed home very quickly. Vagina not withstanding. Shocking, I know. Quite frankly, all parents should be offended by such comments and attitudes. There are so many sweet, well-mannered little boys out there that deserve the credit. . . and the chance to live as a person and not a penis.  And there are plenty of misbehaving little girls out there too! And how insulting to say that a child behaving well is simply because of her parts. ARGH. Jackhole.

And while we are speaking of jackholes, I’ll also note that I posted a frustrated status on Facebook, “Please don’t use your kid’s penis as an excuse for his bad behavior or my daughter’s vagina as a reason for her good behavior.” Simple statement. It’s not tricky or accusatory but a general thought. And wouldn’t you know that two people, facebook friends who are also actual real-life friends, said they were offended by this and ‘unfriended’ me, which in the fb world is like cutting someone out of their lives. W.T.F.? I even tried to explain that this statement was a simple defense of all little boys and no response. And while I was frankly shocked at first and even a little hurt, I’ve come to see that this fits in the jackhole category too. Seriously. Don’t be stupid. ((shaking head))


I imagine that people’s stupid comments will only continue as our lives as the parents of little girls progresses. However, I hope that they will come to rely on the fact that I will always stand up for them and never turn my back to jackholery aimed in their direction. Even though I find it odd that in 2011 such archaic thoughts on gender are still so prevalent. Guess we’ve got our work cut out for us. But I say bring it because I can take it, even if it’s only one jackhole at a time. :)


ps—I’m planning on resuming editing of these posts some day. I swear.


Monica said...

WTF? People -ARE- idiots. Justin's encounter was like him talking to a brick wall; nothing he could have said would have made a difference. I'm surprised he didn't tell Justing, "Dude, It's all about the penis!" :D~ Sheesh.

Alicia said...

i cant tell you how many times i rolled my eyes while reading this... people are seriously ridiculous..
When I was growing up (and still to this day) I was the one out with my dad while he'd be working on his motorcycle and I was the one who loved playing catch with him..I also have two brothers but
my pops and I always enjoyed are time together doing those kind of things.. He never doubted me for a second and I can definitely say he never would prefer I was "a boy." It's awesome your husband told him that he does the same things with his daughter...and its sad that guy will never realize the bond a great father and daughter can have